Kinks and fetishes: a list, and how to talk about them

A kink is something that turns you on outside of what people think of as typical sex, and a fetish is when an object or body part becomes especially charged. Most people have at least one. Here's a list of 18 common kinks, a short explanation of each, and how to bring it up with your partner.

Updated September 29, 2026

Kinks and fetishes: what's the difference?

The words often get used as if they meant the same thing, but there's a small difference. A kink is a sexual activity or dynamic that turns you on, like being tied up, being in charge or hearing dirty talk. A fetish is more specific. It's when an object, a material or a body part becomes sexually charged, like feet, leather or tights.

Both are common. In large surveys, most adults say they've fantasized about at least one kink, and fantasies about power and being tied up are among the most common of all. Having one doesn't mean anything is wrong. It means you have a fantasy.

Kink list: 18 common kinks

This list isn't complete, and nobody has to like everything on it. Try reading it together and see what sparks a reaction in both of you.

1. Dominance and submission

One of you leads and decides, the other follows. It can be playful or strict, fifteen minutes or a whole evening. The core of much of what people call BDSM.

2. Bondage

Tying up or being tied up, with hands, ties, cuffs or rope. The feeling of not being able to move makes everything else more intense.

3. Spanking and impact play

With a hand, a paddle or a flogger. It's about the good kind of sting, the rhythm and who's in charge.

4. Hair pulling

A firm grip in the hair, close to the scalp, during sex or when one of you pulls the other in. Small to do, big to feel.

5. Orgasm control

One of you decides when, and whether, the other gets to come. Bringing them close and stopping again and again often makes the orgasm far stronger when it finally arrives.

6. Role play

Being someone else for a while. Strangers at a hotel, boss and assistant, masseur and client. There are 18 ideas in our guide to role play for couples.

7. Dirty talk

Saying exactly what you want to do, or hearing what your partner plans to do to you. For many people the easiest kink to start with.

8. Praise

Getting turned on by being told you're good, gorgeous or doing it just right. Pairs beautifully with dominance, since the one in charge gets to reward.

9. Verbal degradation

The flip side of praise. Words that put you down, in a game where you both know it isn't real. It requires talking through which words are okay beforehand.

10. Being watched

Your partner watching while you touch yourself, undress or do exactly as they say. Or the other way round, with you as the one watching.

11. Showing off

Dressing provocatively for your partner, posing or filming yourselves. It all stays between the two of you, where nobody else can see.

12. Feet

One of the most common fetishes. Kissing, massaging or just looking at feet. Feet are packed with nerves, so it can feel good for both of you.

13. Materials

Leather, latex, silk, nylon or tights. How it feels against the skin, how it sounds and how it looks.

14. Sensation play

Ice cubes, warm massage wax, a feather, nails down the back or a blindfold. Playing with the senses rather than with power.

15. Collar and leash

A collar worn as a symbol of who's in charge, sometimes with a leash. More about the roles than about pulling.

16. Spit

Very charged for some people, as part of dominance or just because it feels raw and unfiltered. Something to talk about beforehand, not spring as a surprise.

17. The forbidden, in fantasy

Fantasizing about a stranger, about being seduced or about something you'd never actually do. It's common, and it can stay in your imagination, where it tends to work best.

18. Choking

Also called breath play, and it appeals to a lot of people. It's also the kink with the highest risk, because pressure on the neck can cause someone to pass out very quickly. Never press on the neck. A hand across the collarbones or breastbone gives the feeling of being in someone's grip without the risk.

How to bring up a kink with your partner

Telling someone what turns you on can feel exposing. This tends to make it easier. There's more on the conversation itself in our guide on how to talk about sex with your partner.

1. Pick a calm moment. On a walk, on the sofa or in a text. Not in the middle of sex, and not right after an argument.
2. Start small. “I've been thinking about something I think could be hot” is a softer opener than an entire fantasy all at once.
3. Say what it does for you. “I love the idea of you being in charge, because then I can let go of everything” gives your partner something to understand, not just an act.
4. Ask in return. Is there something your partner has been curious about? Then it becomes a conversation, not a request.
5. Take a no calmly. A no to the kink isn't a no to you. Let it rest. It might turn into a maybe later on.

TipRead the list above together and privately rate each kink yes, maybe or no. Then compare only what got a yes or maybe from both of you. That way you find your common ground without anyone feeling turned down.

If your partner tells you about a kink

It's easy to react quickly when something comes as a surprise. Try to just listen first. It often took courage to say it.

• Thank your partner for telling you, even if you don't know how you feel yet.
• Ask what it is that appeals. Often it's a feeling rather than the act itself.
• You don't have to answer yes or no right away. “I'd like to think about it” is a good answer.
• Speak up if something doesn't feel right, and ask whether there's a gentler version you could both imagine.

Staying safe when you try things

Everything on the list works best when you both know you can stop at any time. That's what makes it possible to really let go.

• Safeword. A word that means stop for real, like “pineapple.” Or the traffic light system, where green is keep going, yellow is slow down and red is stop.
• Consent the whole way. A yes yesterday isn't a yes today. Either of you can change your mind halfway, and then you stop.
• Bondage. Two fingers between restraint and skin, scissors nearby and never anything around the neck. Never leave someone alone while they're tied up.
• Spanking. Stick to the butt and the backs of the thighs. Avoid the lower back, the spine and the head.
• Wax. Only use massage candles made for skin, and test on your forearm first.
• Aftercare. Lie close afterward, have something to drink and talk about how it felt.

Find your shared kinks

There's no right order and no finish line. Some couples find a single kink that becomes theirs, others work their way through half the list. The fantasies behind them are often as interesting as the play itself, and there's more on that in our guide to sexual fantasies in a relationship.

In Hintt you each answer on your own phone, in secret, and only what you both want shows up. So you can say yes to spanking or handcuffs without knowing what your partner will answer, and never have to hear a no. Start here.