140 Questions to Ask Your Partner That Actually Bring You Closer

Looking for good questions to ask your partner? Here are 140, in seven categories from fun and easy to deep, flirty and intimate. Start light, pick what fits the moment and give the answers room to breathe. The conversation after the question is what makes the difference.

Updated September 29, 2026

TipWant one question at a time? Pull a random one with the question generator.

How to use these questions to ask your partner

Questions to ask your partner work best when you have time and nowhere to be. Dinner without phones, a long drive, a walk around the block or ten minutes in bed before you fall asleep is plenty. You don't need to get through them all. Three good questions and one real conversation beat thirty rapid-fire answers.

• Start easy. The fun questions warm you up. Save the deep ones for when you're both relaxed.
• Both of you answer. Whoever asks the question answers it too. That makes it a conversation, not an interview.
• Follow up. “What do you mean?” and “Tell me more” are often better than the next question on the list.
• Passing is fine. Not every question fits every day. “Not tonight” is a complete answer.
• Don't judge the answers. Curiosity is what makes your partner brave enough to be honest next time too.

The list works just as well for a boyfriend, a girlfriend or the person you married, in a brand new relationship or one that's twenty years in. If you live apart, take one question a night over the phone. There's more on that in our guide to long distance relationships.

Fun and easy questions to ask your partner

Perfect for getting started, or for any night you need a laugh. The silly answers often say more than you'd think.

1. What superpower would you pick, and what would you do with it on day one?
2. If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
3. What song do you belt out when nobody's listening?
4. What movie could you watch a hundred times and never get bored?
5. What's the weirdest thing you thought was totally normal as a kid?
6. If we were in a TV show, which one would it be?
7. What animal do you think I'd be, and why?
8. What's the worst gift you've ever received?
9. Which app would be the hardest for you to delete?
10. Which famous couple reminds you most of us?
11. If you could swap jobs with anyone for a week, who would you pick?
12. What's your most irrational fear?
13. What habit of mine do you secretly think is adorable?
14. What would you do with a completely free Tuesday and unlimited money?
15. What embarrassing moment can you finally laugh about?
16. If you had to compete on a reality show, which one would it be?
17. What time of day are you at your best?
18. What would the title of your autobiography be?
19. If you ran the country for a day, what's the first rule you'd make?
20. Ice cream or chips on a Friday night, and why is your answer the right one?

Questions about memories

Memories are a warm way to get to know each other all over again. Even after years together, there are stories you've never heard.

1. What did you think the first time you saw me?
2. What's your clearest memory from our first date?
3. When did you realize you really liked me?
4. What's your favorite childhood memory?
5. Which summer of your life would you love to live again?
6. What were you proudest of as a teenager?
7. What trip do you remember best, with or without me?
8. Which grown-up meant the most to you when you were little?
9. What's the funniest thing that's ever happened to us?
10. Which moment with me would you replay if you could?
11. What did you want to be when you grew up?
12. What's the best gift you've ever given someone?
13. When were you last really, truly happy?
14. What mistake taught you the most?
15. What smell takes you straight back in time?
16. What song reminds you of us?
17. What was your first impression of my family or friends?
18. What do you remember about our first kiss?
19. Which night with me do you think about when you need a smile?
20. What's something from how you grew up that you want to pass on?

Questions about dreams and the future

Where are you headed, on your own and together? Listen for the dreams that match, and for the ones that don't. Both are worth knowing about.

1. What does a perfect day look like for you five years from now?
2. Where would you live if you could pick anywhere at all?
3. What's at the top of your bucket list?
4. What trip do you want us to take together?
5. Is there something you've always wanted to learn but never started?
6. How do you want our everyday life to feel ten years from now?
7. What would you do for work if money didn't matter?
8. What do you want people to say about you when you're old?
9. What tradition do you want us to start?
10. What does your dream home look like?
11. What's one small goal you want to hit this year?
12. Is there something you want us to be brave enough to try together?
13. What do you hope we're still doing together when we're eighty?
14. If you got a year off, what would you do with it?
15. What dream have you set aside that you'd like to pick back up?
16. How do you want to celebrate the next big holiday?
17. What would you like us to save up for?
18. What adventure feels a little scary but still tempts you?
19. What do you want more of in your life next year?
20. What do you want less of?

Deep questions to ask your partner

These need calm and time. Take one or two at a time, and let the silence be part of the answer.

1. What are you most grateful for right now?
2. When do you feel most like yourself?
3. What are you afraid of that you rarely talk about?
4. What opinion have you changed in the last few years?
5. What does success mean to you?
6. What would you tell your fifteen-year-old self?
7. What makes you feel safe?
8. What's the hardest thing you've been through, and what got you through it?
9. What quality in yourself are you proudest of?
10. What do you think people misunderstand about you?
11. What do you regret not doing?
12. Which values will you never compromise on?
13. How can you tell when someone is really listening to you?
14. What makes you feel lonely?
15. What do you think happens when we die?
16. What part of yourself is hardest for you to show?
17. What matters most in a friendship?
18. What have you forgiven someone for, and how did it happen?
19. If you could only keep three things in your life, what would they be?
20. What do you want me to understand about you that you think I miss?

TipAnswer in secret first. Each of you writes down your answer to the same question, then read them out loud. It's more honest, and it's fun to see where you land in the same place and where you don't.

Questions about your relationship

Questions about how you're doing can feel bigger than they are. Ask them on an ordinary day when things are good, not in the middle of a fight. Then they feel like an investment, not a trial.

1. What's the best thing about the two of us?
2. When do you feel most loved by me?
3. What do I do that makes you feel seen?
4. Is there something you wish we did more often?
5. What have we gotten better at since we met?
6. How do you want us to handle it when we argue?
7. What do you need from me when you're having a bad day?
8. What's our best teamwork so far?
9. Is there something I say that hurts you without me noticing?
10. How do you like to be comforted?
11. What do you think other people see when they look at us?
12. What small thing could I do each week that would make a big difference for you?
13. Do you feel like we share the everyday stuff in a fair way?
14. What do you miss from when we first got together?
15. How much time on your own do you need to feel good?
16. What does faithfulness mean to you?
17. Which of our habits do you want to keep forever?
18. How do you want us to celebrate wins, big and small?
19. What's something you've never dared to ask me for?
20. What would make next year our best one yet?

Curious how each of you gives and receives love? Take the love language test together and compare, or read our guide to the five love languages.

Flirty questions to ask your partner

Flirty questions for your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner are a great way to warm up a date night. Want to turn it into a whole evening? Grab some ideas from our list of date night ideas at home.

1. What was the first thing you found attractive about me?
2. What do you like seeing me wear the most?
3. When do you think I look my best?
4. What's the most romantic thing someone could do for you?
5. What part of a date do you look forward to most?
6. What did you think on our first date that you've never told me?
7. What scent on me do you like best?
8. Where would you most like to be kissed right now?
9. Which text from me made you smile the most?
10. What's the flirtiest thing I've done without realizing it?
11. How would you like to be swept off your feet on a random Tuesday?
12. What do I do that you find irresistible?
13. Which of our kisses do you remember best?
14. If you got to plan our next date, what would we do?
15. Which compliment from me makes you glow the most?
16. If you were in charge of me for one evening, what would you ask for?
17. What's the most unexpected place you've wanted to kiss me?
18. What goes through your head when I look at you a certain way?
19. What song makes you think of me in a slightly less innocent way?
20. What's the most exciting thing we could do this weekend?

Questions about intimacy and sex

These can feel a little nerve-racking to ask, but they usually give the most back. Start with the softer ones and go at your own pace. Want to go further? There are plenty more in intimate questions to ask your partner, and tips for the conversation itself in our guide on how to talk about sex with your partner.

1. What makes you feel close to me, outside of sex?
2. How do you notice that you're in the mood?
3. What do you like most when we have sex?
4. Is there something you'd like us to do more often in bed?
5. What time of day do you feel the most desire?
6. What turns you on that I might not know about?
7. How do you want me to make the first move?
8. How do you prefer to say “not now” so it feels good for both of us?
9. What kind of touch do you love most?
10. Is there something you've been curious to try?
11. What's your favorite memory of us in bed?
12. Do you want us to talk more or less during sex?
13. What helps you relax completely?
14. Does it feel easy or hard to say what you want?
15. How important is foreplay to you?
16. Is there something you'd like us to stop doing?
17. Which place at home tempts you most, besides the bed?
18. How do you like it to be afterward?
19. Do you have a fantasy you'd like to share, a little at a time?
20. What can we do to keep desire alive even when life gets busy?

Turn the questions into a game

Want more pace? Turn the questions into a game. Write them on slips of paper and take turns drawing, roll a die to pick the category, or play truth or dare for couples, where whoever skips a question has to do a dare instead.

Another way is to answer separately first and compare afterward. That's how Hintt works. You each get the week's questions, answer in secret and only see what you both want. If you're curious, you can get started here.