Talking about the future together: 48 questions for couples

Talking about the future with your partner is a lot easier with good questions. Here are 48 of them in six categories, about where you live, kids or no kids, work, money, growing old together and your dreams. At the end you'll find tips for when your answers don't line up.

Updated September 29, 2026

How to talk about the future together

Conversations about the future can feel big, so they often only happen when something forces them. A job offer in another city, a lease about to run out, a pointed question from your mother-in-law over dinner. It's much better to talk while nothing is on fire.

• Pick a calm moment. A walk, a slow weekend breakfast, a road trip. Not in bed at midnight on a Tuesday.
• Take one category at a time. Don't try to plan your entire life in one evening.
• Both of you answer every question. Take turns going first, so one person isn't always setting the bar.
• Not knowing is fine. “I honestly have no idea” is an honest answer and a great place to start.
• Explore, don't decide. The goal is to understand each other. Decisions can come later.

TipWrite down your answers and save them. Reading what you said a year or two ago is both fun and surprisingly revealing.

Questions about where you'll live

1. Where do you picture us living in five years, in the city, the suburbs, a small town or the country?
2. Apartment or house, and why?
3. How important is it to you to live close to family and friends?
4. Could you imagine moving abroad for a while?
5. What matters most to you about a home?
6. Do you want to own your home, or does renting feel just as good?
7. Is there a place you dream of living someday?
8. What would make you want to move away from here?

About to live together for the first time? There's more to talk about in our guide to moving in together.

Questions about kids, or no kids

For some couples this is the most important category, and for others it's already settled. Either way, it's worth talking about. A yes and a no both deserve to be taken seriously.

1. Do you want kids? Have you always felt that way, or has it changed?
2. If yes, when would it feel right, and what needs to be in place first?
3. How many kids do you picture, if any?
4. How would you feel if we never had kids?
5. What do you think about adoption, stepkids or other paths to a family?
6. What would you want to carry over from how you grew up, and what would you do differently?
7. How do you imagine we'd share parental leave and the day-to-day responsibility?
8. If we can't have kids or decide not to, what would you want our life to look like?

If you already have kids, swap these for questions about how you want family life to look as they get older or move out.

Questions about work

1. What do you dream of doing for work ten years from now?
2. How much space do you want work to take up in your life?
3. Would you like to change careers, go back to school or start something of your own?
4. What should we do if one of us gets a job offer in another city?
5. What does a good balance between work and free time look like to you?
6. What would you do if money weren't an issue?
7. How do you want us to support each other when work gets rough?
8. Is there anything you want to do before you retire?

Questions about money

1. What does money mean to you, security, freedom or something else?
2. What are you happiest to spend money on, and where would you rather cut back?
3. How do you want us to handle our finances in the future?
4. What do you want us to save for?
5. How do you feel about taking on debt for something big?
6. What would we do if one of us suddenly earned a lot more, or a lot less?
7. How did your family talk about money when you were growing up?
8. How much financial security do you need to sleep well at night?

Want to go deeper on everyday finances? Keep going with our guide to money in a relationship.

Questions about growing old together

1. How do you picture us when we're old?
2. Where do you want to live as you get older?
3. What do you want to do once you stop working?
4. How do you want us to take care of each other if one of us gets sick?
5. How do you feel about caring for our parents as they get older?
6. Which traditions do you hope we still have thirty years from now?
7. What do you hope people say about us as a couple when we're old?
8. What scares you most about getting older?

Questions about your dreams

1. What's the biggest thing you dream of doing in your life?
2. What trip do we absolutely have to take together someday?
3. Is there something you've always wanted to learn but never dared to start?
4. What dream did you give up that you might want to pick back up?
5. If we had a whole year off, what would we do with it?
6. What do you want us to have experienced together ten years from now?
7. Is there a dream you've never told me about?
8. What makes life feel meaningful to you?

TipEnd every conversation with one thing you're both looking forward to. That turns talking about the future into something you look forward to, not something you keep putting off.

What to do when your answers are different

Sooner or later you'll answer something differently. That's not a failure. It's the whole reason for having the conversation, and here's how to handle it.

Get curious before you react

When your partner says something that surprises you, ask more before you respond. “Tell me more, what draws you to that?” It's easy to hear an answer and immediately start listing all the problems. Hold off. Our guide on how to really listen to your partner has more tips.

Separate dreams, wishes and dealbreakers

“I dream of living in Portugal” isn't the same as “I have to move to Portugal.” It helps to ask whether it's something your partner fantasizes about, hopes for or can't imagine living without. The answer changes the whole conversation.

Look for the need underneath

Behind most wishes there's a need, like security, freedom, community, adventure or calm. Two different wishes can sometimes meet in a shared need, and then there are usually more paths forward than the first one you thought of.

Give big questions time

Some questions, like kids or where to live, can take a long time to settle. It's fine to say “I need to think about that” and come back to it. Agree on when you'll talk again, so the question doesn't just sit there.

When you can't move forward

Sometimes your answers differ on something that's a dealbreaker for both of you, like kids. That's when it can be wise to see a couples therapist together. It's not a sign the relationship is over. It's a way of giving the question the respect it deserves.

Once you've talked it through, pick out the things you both want and turn them into concrete plans. Our guide to goals for couples shows you how. And if you'd like to talk about more than the future, there are plenty of questions to ask your partner. In Hintt you each answer questions in secret on your own phone, and only what you both want is shown.