Foreplay tips: 24 ideas for taking your sweet time

Foreplay is everything that turns you on before and during sex, from a text mid-morning to a tongue along the inner thigh. The trick is to drop the goal, go slower than you think and let it start long before you get to the bedroom. Here's why it matters, plus 24 ideas to try.

Updated September 29, 2026

Why foreplay matters

Desire rarely works like a light switch. Some people are turned on right away, others only once hands are already moving. Foreplay gives the body time to catch up with the mind. Muscles loosen, work and dishes drop out of your head, and skin gets more sensitive by the minute.

It's also where a lot of the closeness lives. The laughing, the looks, the things you never say to anyone else. So don't treat it as the commute to “the real thing.” Much of the time, this is the real thing.

If desire has dipped for either of you, slower foreplay is a good place to start. There's more on that in our guide to low libido in a relationship.

Foreplay starts long before the bedroom

The best foreplay doesn't start when the covers come off. It starts with a morning text, a look across the dinner table, a hand that stays on the small of the back as you pass in the hallway. That builds anticipation, and by the time you're alone the evening is already underway.

It works the other way too. A day full of bickering about laundry and who forgot the groceries makes it hard to switch tracks. The day doesn't need to be perfect. But you do need a few moments where you see each other as more than roommates or co-parents.

How to do foreplay: four basics

• Drop the goal. Foreplay that's only a route to intercourse gets stressful. Let it feel good for its own sake and see where it goes.
• Go slower than you think. Half the speed, twice the time. Long foreplay takes more patience than technique.
• Ask and show. “Like this?” and a hand over your partner's beat any amount of guessing. And being asked is sexy.
• Keep lube within reach. Touch gets smoother and can go on longer, no matter how wet or hard anyone is.

24 foreplay ideas for couples

The ideas move from words and anticipation to eye contact, touch, mouths and play. Pick one or two, or mix freely. The only thing that counts is that it feels good for both of you.

Foreplay with words and anticipation

1. Send a text in the middle of the day

It doesn't need to be elaborate. “Thinking about you” or “Can't wait for tonight” goes a long way. Want to turn it up? Describe one detail from last time.

2. Tell them in the morning what you want tonight

Whisper it in the hallway as you say goodbye. Not all of it, just enough to simmer all day.

3. Tell your partner what you love about them

Be specific. “I love how you look right after a shower” sticks in a way “you look nice” never will. Being seen turns people on more than almost anything.

4. Whisper instead of talking

The same words become something else entirely when they arrive quietly, close to the ear. Warm breath on skin does half the work.

5. Share a fantasy

You don't have to act it out. Saying it out loud is often enough to get things going. Start with something small, and read our guide to sexual fantasies in a relationship if you want to go further.

6. Set a time and make them wait

Say “nine o'clock” and nothing more. The wait is foreplay in itself, and the longer it lasts the more charged it gets.

Eye contact and closeness

7. Hold eye contact longer than usual

Look into each other's eyes for a full minute without talking. First it gets giggly. Then it gets very close.

8. Shower or bathe together

Soap each other up, slowly and everywhere. It's touch without expectations, and the warmth helps the body relax.

9. Undress each other slowly

One button at a time, and kiss the skin as it's uncovered. The longer it takes, the harder it gets to keep your hands to yourselves.

10. Slow dance in the kitchen

Put on a song you both like and dance close, hip to hip. More ideas for an evening in are in our guide to date night ideas at home.

Foreplay with touch

11. A massage with no agenda

Agree beforehand that the massage is only a massage, for at least fifteen minutes. Warm the oil in your hands first. With no goal, the person lying down can truly relax.

12. Touch everything except

Everything is allowed except breasts and genitals. The ban wakes up the rest of the body, and the longing for what's off limits grows by the minute.

13. Fingertips only

Stroke so lightly it barely registers, along arms, back and inner thighs. Try a feather, a silk scarf or your hair as well.

14. Find the forgotten spots

The back of the neck, behind the ears, the wrists, the backs of the knees, the small of the back. Places that rarely get attention are often the most sensitive.

15. Show with your hand

Place your hand over your partner's and guide the speed, pressure and placement. It's the fastest way to learn what they like, and being shown is hot.

16. Keep your clothes on longer

Kiss and caress through the fabric. It brings back the early days, when everything took its time, and makes it far more charged when the clothes finally come off.

Not sure where to start? The weekly questions in Hintt are a gentle way in, since you each answer privately and only what you both want shows up.

Kissing and mouths

17. Just kiss for ten minutes

Set a timer. Nothing but kissing until it goes off. Slow, fast, soft, hungry. Kisses that don't have to lead anywhere are often the best ones.

18. Kiss somewhere other than the mouth

The neck, the shoulder, the stomach, the inside of the wrist. Move slowly downward and pause along the way, ideally right before you get there.

19. Let your mouth take its time

If you both enjoy oral sex, it can be foreplay without having to lead anywhere else. Start around the edges, tease with your tongue and let the person receiving set the pace.

20. Hot and cold

Blow gently across skin you just kissed so it cools. Take a sip of warm tea and then kiss, or hold an ice cube in your mouth. The contrast makes skin extra alert.

Play, and a little more

21. A blindfold

When one of you can't see, every touch becomes a surprise. A scarf or sleep mask works fine. It comes off the moment anyone wants it to.

22. Take turns being in charge

Five minutes each. Whoever's in charge says what happens next, and the other does it. Switch when time's up.

23. Play a game

Questions, dares or cards make the evening start playful instead of serious. Truth or dare for couples is a great place to begin, and there are more in our sex games for couples.

24. Bring in a toy

Run a vibrator over clothing, against the inner thigh or along the spine. The one holding it goes slowly, and the other says when it's just right.

Long foreplay: how to keep the tension going

• Pause. When it gets intense, stop, kiss, breathe and start again. The waves make it stronger.
• Go back a step. You can always move from more to less, from naked to lying there talking for a while.
• Switch who's giving. Take turns, so you both get to lie still and just receive.
• Forget the clock. Long foreplay doesn't need an end point. Sometimes it's the whole evening.

When you're ready for more, there are ideas in our guide to sex positions for couples.

When something doesn't feel good

Foreplay should feel good for both of you. If one of you wants to stop, you stop, and nobody needs to explain. If something hurts, stop and try something else, like more lube or a gentler pace. If it hurts often, or the pain lingers, talk to a doctor or a sex therapist.