Sex toys for couples: how to get started together

Sex toys for couples are there to help you discover new sensations together, not to replace anything. The easiest way to start is to bring it up lightly, pick something small and versatile, and take it slow the first time. Here's a practical rundown of the different types, how to raise the subject, and what to know about cleaning and lube.

Updated September 29, 2026

Why so many couples try sex toys

A sex toy is really just a way to feel more, or feel differently. Some people want to come more easily, others want to play, mix things up or be surprised by their own body. Whatever the reason, it's usually more fun when you do it together.

Plenty of people worry that a toy means someone isn't enough. But a vibrator doesn't take your partner's place. It gives you more ways to feel good. Think of it as a new ingredient in the kitchen, not a new chef.

How to bring up sex toys with your partner

The hardest part is often the first sentence. This tends to make it easier.

• Pick the right moment. Bring it up when you're both relaxed, not in the middle of sex. Over breakfast, on a walk or in a text all work well.
• Frame it as curiosity, not as something missing. “I've been thinking it could be fun to try something new together” lands better than “something's missing.”
• Browse together. Scroll through an online shop side by side and see what catches both your eyes. Then it's something you choose as a team.
• Take a no seriously. If your partner isn't interested, ask what feels uncomfortable, and let it rest for a while.

If talking about sex feels hard in general, start with our guide on how to talk about sex with your partner. It's all about making those conversations feel safe and pressure-free.

TipEach of you secretly writes a list of three things you could imagine trying. Then compare, and only talk about what's on both lists. That way nobody feels turned down.

Types of sex toys for beginners

The selection can feel overwhelming. Here are the most common types, what they do and how couples tend to use them.

Bullet vibrators

A small vibrator, often about the size of a lipstick or a bit bigger, is the classic starter toy. It's easy to use during foreplay and sex, and whoever's holding it controls where it goes and how strong it is. It works for every body, on nipples, the perineum, the clitoris, the penis or the balls. It's simple, discreet and not the least bit intimidating, which makes it a great start.

Couples vibrators

Some vibrators are shaped to be worn during penetrative sex, so you both feel the vibrations. Some come with a remote or are controlled through an app, so one of you can set the pace for the other. That easily turns into a game of its own.

Wand massagers

Larger vibrators with a round head and powerful vibrations. They also work for massaging shoulders and backs, which makes them a gentle way to ease in. The vibrations are strong, so start on the lowest setting, ideally with a layer of fabric in between.

Suction toys

These toys use pulsing air instead of vibration and are designed for the clitoris. Many people describe the sensation as completely different from vibration. A good pick if the one of you with a clitoris wants to try something new, solo or together.

Cock rings

A ring made of soft material worn around the penis, sometimes around the testicles too. It can make an erection harder and help it last longer. Some have a small vibrator built in that stimulates both partners during sex. Choose one that's stretchy and easy to take off, and remove it after half an hour at most, or right away if it feels uncomfortable.

Dildos

Dildos come in every size, shape and material, with or without vibration. For beginners, a smaller, soft and smooth model is often a good choice. Some have a suction cup at the base that sticks to tiles or the floor, and that opens up new positions. For more on that, see our guide to sex positions for couples.

Anal toys

Anal play can feel good for every body. Only use toys made for anal use, with a flared base so they can't slip in too far. Start with the smallest size, use plenty of lube and go slowly. The receiving partner sets the pace. Pain is a signal to stop, not to push through.

Toys that don't vibrate

Sex toys don't need batteries. Some of the most fun ones for couples are the simplest.

• A blindfold. Takes away sight and makes everything else more intense.
• Soft restraints. Fabric or Velcro cuffs for light bondage that you can take off quickly.
• A feather or soft brush. For slow, tickling touch all over the body.
• Massage oil or a massage candle. Candles made from a special wax that melts into warm oil. Only use ones made for skin.

These work especially well in games. Find ideas in our guide to sex games for couples.

How to choose a sex toy: six questions to ask

1. Who is it for? One of you, both of you at the same time, or taking turns?
2. What do you want to feel? Vibration, fullness, suction, or just play and anticipation?
3. What material? Choose body-safe materials like high-quality silicone, glass or stainless steel. They're easy to keep clean.
4. How does it charge? Rechargeable is convenient. Check how loud it is, too, if your walls are thin.
5. Is it waterproof? Waterproof toys are easier to clean and can come along into the shower or bath.
6. What size? Start smaller than you think. It's easier to size up than to end up with something that feels like too much.

TipIf you're unsure, start with a small, waterproof silicone vibrator with several settings. It works for every body, in foreplay and during sex, and it's easy to bring out without making a big deal of it.

The first time: keep it playful

Bring the toy out with no pressure, as part of foreplay rather than the main event. Try it on arms, neck and back first so you both get a feel for how it works. Laugh if it gets clumsy. It often does the first time.

• Start on the lowest setting. You can always turn it up.
• Switch who's holding it. Sometimes it's even better when the other person is in control.
• Talk as you go. “More,” “less,” “right there.” Nobody can read minds.
• Talk afterward. What felt good, what felt strange and what do you want to try again?

If you want to build the mood first, read our foreplay tips. And if toys spark fantasies you want to talk about, there's our guide to sexual fantasies in a relationship.

Cleaning sex toys and choosing lube

Cleaning

• Before and after. Wash the toy before its first use and after every use, following the manufacturer's instructions. Warm water and mild soap are often enough.
• Let it dry. Dry it thoroughly and store it in a clean pouch or box, ideally apart from other toys.
• Use a condom when sharing. If you share a toy between bodies, or move it from anus to vagina, change the condom or wash it in between.
• Check for wear. Toss toys that are cracked or have turned sticky, since they're hard to get clean.

Lube

Lube makes almost everything feel better, and it's a must for anal play. Three rules of thumb.

• Water-based works with all toys and condoms and washes off easily. A great first choice.
• Silicone-based lasts longer and works well in water, but can damage silicone toys. Check what the manufacturer recommends.
• Oil-based doesn't mix with latex condoms.

If anything stings, itches or hurts afterward, take a break and talk to a doctor or a sexual health clinic.

Find what works for you

There's no right way to use sex toys. For some couples they become part of almost every time, for others something that comes out once in a while. What matters is that you both enjoy it. In Hintt you swipe through card decks full of ideas, each privately on your own phone, and only what you both want to try shows up. That way you find the next thing without anyone having to ask first.